Before anything else, happy Independence Day to all us Filipinos!
(Although, really, this was just the date Aguinaldo said we were independent – it was not the date we formally wanted to be independent, nor the date we were given independence. But, hey, go freedom!)
It is a sordid business, this whole packing thing.
I have never really packed for more than a week at a time, and even those instances were fraught with the difficulties my tendency to over-think comes in parcel with. I mean, what if the lights go out? What if there is an earthquake? What if strange armed men take me as hostage?
Now keep that in mind as you imagine me packing for a year. Or more, if God willing.
My head hurts just thinking about it.
Somewhere in between putting t-shirts in my bag and placing the printer back in its box for transport, I came to realize that I’m not really packing things – I’m packing away my life. I’m placing who I am in boxes, bags and plastic containers, to be unloaded in a place that will, in around five hours, be called home.
It terrifies me a little, thinking about that. I know I’m going to sound like a complete baby, but this is the first time that I will call a place home without my parents saying the same. It feels weird.
But I guess it can be a good weird, if I let it.
It’s my chance to become responsible, to become more mature, to become a part of the world. It’s kind of exhilarating, in the way that walking on a tightrope without a safety net is exhilarating.
As in, yes, I’m doing it on my own (finally), but crap is it gonna hurt if I fall.
I have fallen a lot of times before. I have made a lot of mistakes, but in retrospect I know it was because of my own stupid carelessness, because of my lack in foresight. I’m just hoping that the knowledge that it won’t be okay, that no one will be there to help me (well, maybe help me a bit), would make me put my feet in the right place, would make me keep my balance.
Here’s to hoping.
It’s funny, really, musing about this today of all days. Independence Day.
Sometimes the universe has a pretty commendable sense of humor.