The Aftermath

Before anything else: let’s go, Miami Heat! <confetti>

Well, that wasn’t so bad.

I mean, I was expecting them to be intimidating, and they were – they were smart, well-spoken, enthusiastic. But I guess the difference is that, in my head, they were intimidating, and so I did not want to be around them – mainly because of the dreaded “I’m not worthy” feeling (which I get often around people with Latin honors); in reality, they are intimidating, and that’s why they are interesting to talk to and (eventually) hang out with.

It’s a small thing, but it means a lot.

Having a lot of friends with you makes it difficult to find new ones, at least for me. I found it quite counter-intuitive; friends are supposed to make you feel better about yourself, supposed to make you feel like a better version of yourself – what better time to get new acquaintances, right?

Well, as I discovered, not really. It is so easy to hide behind friends, like security blankets, because they make you feel as I have said before – better.

Plus, seeing it from the point of view of someone from the outside, it is pretty frightening to try to talk to people with that kind of camaraderie. I don’t know why exactly – I guess it is our dormant animal instincts, screaming at us to not mess with the order of things.

I’m not too worried, though. Just two years ago, I was the one playing the role of outsider, and I managed to form some pretty great friendships with a lot of people. I think I can do that again.

<fingers crossed>

I have been checking my downloads while writing this post, and somehow I always surprise myself with what I see.

I am not downloading anything.

It is so bizarre, in fact, that I have to type it again.

I am not downloading anything.

I guess it’s because we are currently in that limbo between the regular season and the summer season of shows, where reruns and promos abound.

Plus, I have friends (hey friends, love you all) that have absolutely better Internet access than me, that I (sheepishly) leech the gigantic files off of.

But hell if it isn’t weird.

So weird, in fact, that I’ll download something just for the heck of it.

My dreams are filled with the future.

I guess it’s because that’s what I think about before I go to bed. I read somewhere that you can control your dreams that way.

I dream of things like finding love (yes, cheesy, I know – talk to my subconscious), going to school, failing spectacularly, becoming a better person.

It’s like test-running life.

I hate money.

Well, if you hand me a big bag of it I will gladly accept, but I really hate the fact that I need it badly.

I’m moving to my dorm soon, my first time away from home, and my eyes go like saucers when I remember how much we need to spend. Furniture, bed, clothes, deposit, rent, water, electricity, Internet – in my brain, it’s all a gigantic blended smoothie of some sort, specifically designed to burn my pockets off.

Then I think about uniforms, books, miscellaneous fees, and that smoothie turns into toxic gunk made to kill me.

<groan>

Fin.

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2 thoughts on “The Aftermath

  1. 1. Oh yeah, Miami. -_- Sorry, I guess I’m the only person on earth who can’t care less about basketball.
    2. Billy, I don’t think you should be intimidated by those people. You are smart or even smarter than most of them. I think they should be the ones to be intimidated by your presence.Haha. Kidding aside, I’m advising you to just relax and you’ll do fine. I mean, it was only the first time (?) that you met those people. I’m sure you’ll build healthy and lasting friendships with those new people soon. You’ll be arranged alphabetically so you’ll be forced to get along with those people who’ll be surrounding you.HAHA. You’re very friendly and fun to be with. Trust me. :>
    3. Download porn for a change. >:)
    4. Nice dreams. They say dreams are shaped by our subconscious selves.:> Try watching a horror movie before going to bed. >:))
    5. Oh yeah, I feel you about money. I really feel guilty whenever I have to pay for something. It’s part of life. Don’t worry. Just think of it. Someday, you’ll be making tons of money. Studying, although expensive, is like an investment. You’ll reap the rewards someday. :>

    Fin.

  2. 1. Don’t worry, you aren’t – you’re in good company with my dad.
    2. LOL. Thanks, man. Yes, it was my first time to meet them, and, dear Lordy, I really do hope so. Hahaha. Awww. Thanks for that. 😀
    3. Eeeeew. Well, True Blood is close at hand – it gets pretty close to porn sometimes. Teehee. >:)
    4. NO. I don’t even watch horror movies in general – my imagination tends to get the better of me. I remember this one time that I couldn’t wash my face because I just had to keep my eyes open.
    5. Hahaha. On some level I understand that, but sometimes I feel like that ‘someday’ is very, very far away. It really doesn’t help that sometimes I don’t even think we can manage to invest. Oh well. Push through. 😀

    Thanks, dear. >:D<

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